It's Only Up to You

I'm not sure that anyone would describe me as a particularly ambitious person. I have a death-fear of disappointment so I tend to keep my goals and expectations low. I am exceptionally good at meeting the status-quo. Sure, I have a few broad life goals - fall in love, get married, have a few babies - but those are things I don't have much control over. I can't necessarily make them happen in a set time frame.

Last week after she rattled off a short-list of things she wants to do in the next couple of years, Jordan asked me, "Bekah, is there anything that you want to do?" I had to answer honestly. I've never thought about it. So I started to. And once I put some things on paper I realized that the things I want to do are not far out of my reach. The only thing standing in my way is me.

This song by Bronze Radio Return came on while I was doing my dreaming. I love these lyrics.

...The crowd stands still
No one's moving they'd just rather stand and wait until
Someone starts to move
Someone starts to move

Shake, Shake, Shake
It's all what you make of it, take what you will
You know, know, know your only mistake
Is if you stand still
So Shake, Shake, Shake,
It's all what you make of it, break it until 
You know, know, know your only mistake 
Is if you stand still
It's only up to you
It's only up to you

Am I the only one who relates to that? It feels like I've been waiting for someone else to make the first move with my life! I'm a capable leader. But I prefer to follow. Forging my way ahead, alone scares the bejeezies out of me. I want to be brave. I want to change. So I will not stand still.

I wrote out a list of 30 things I want to do before I'm 30 years old. Some of them are things I've always wanted to do, and some of them made the list simply because I'm scared to do them. I know that following those conquered fears will be dozens of mini-epiphanies. But I want to share my list here so I'll have some accountable - if only to myself - for actually doing it.

1. Sing in public
2. Own a pair of Tevas
3. Live debt-free
4. Take a photography or Photoshop class
5. Visit Washington DC and see the Presidential Monuments and Holocaust Museum
6. Go sledding (in SNOW!)
7. Complete every page of at least one journal
8. Read the Bible cover to cover
9. Explore a cave
10. Be thoroughly kissed on the stroke of a New Year
11. Order an actual drink at an actual bar
12. Put my feet into the Pacific Ocean
13. Go backpacking up a real mountain
14. Join (and go to) a gym
15. Learn to keep plants alive
16. Save $3,000 (we're working on a "3" theme here, so why not?)
17. Have short hair
18. Visit Europe (I couldn't possibly pinpoint one place. This'll hafta do.)
19. Run a 5k
20. Run a 10k
21. Have my writing published
22. Photograph a wedding
23. Learn how to use fondant
24. Live alone
25. Teach a bible study
26. See a counselor
27. Define my sense of style (Rock it.)
28. Make a swing in the middle of the woods
29. Learn to dance (lessons, anyone?)
30. Buy an original piece of art that I adore

What about you? Is there anything holding you back from dreaming? Do you have a list of goals or dreams?

P.S. I will be coming back to this post periodically to cross off the items I've completed!